i dunno what is wrong with me.
unstable thinking again and again.
When i finally come into terms with it.
I start falling backwards again.
I want to jsut burn the whole building down,
yet i also just want to walk away.
volatile and out of control.
I don't deny that i really miss you.
Alot. i can count the days that i have not talked to you and its killing me.
I shouldnt have given you the cold shoulder after that club.
I was just pissed. oh well.
I cna think of million things i miss about you.
And another million reasons why you wont come back.
Add another million to why your feelings are gone for me.
But still, i dunno what am i doing.
I can go on strong. But there is still an ache.
I think everyone doesnt want me to keep talking about it.
So i don think i will anymore.
I will try to heck, like what wendy says.
Cause i really think what she says makes sense.
If you don feel burden doing it, why should i say its stupid?
its not my place to say that. i have no right.
What i think is not solid correct.
She also said that not everyone is as good as me to want to let you do your own things.
she said that no one treat you as nice as me.
I dunno how to treat that statement.
We both know i wasnt nice to you at all.
And if i was, you wouldnt have loved another.
I found your blog.
wow. you actually blogged =) i want to smile and cry at the same time.
But i am doing neither now.
You seem happy with her. so truly happy.
Happiness that could break me inside and out.
I jsut want to leave this place now...
Leave everything and just go.
Maybe i will be happier that way.
all the small little things that we did, keep refreshing in my mind.
Making me fall in love everyday again.
But the sad thing is that im falling in love with a ghost.
Stupid mind. Stupid heart.
Im left here picking up the pieces.
Did you really go with her for the ocnvenience of not feeling alone?
Fontaine said that.
She said you took the easier road while i took the worst road.
I dunno how i can remember everything so clearly.
And yet its like you cna jsut forget them.
Its amazing how one memory to a person can mean an entire different thing to another.
I never felt this lonely in my life before.
But i guess what is the point dragging this on right?
No point. anymore.
My heart can continue breaking for all i care.
Maybe one day it will learn that you are not coming back.
My mind can replay everything all its wants.
Then maybe one day it will learn that those are just memories.
They say that you guys wont last so easily.
I cant see it. i only feel my pain.
I know if you know this, you will try your hardest to make it last.
Thats the best thing i can say i know about you.
Its like that time when jia wen said we not match.
Oh well. maybe she was right. but hey! i want to prove the world wrong.
I dunno waht am i rambling about again.
Super tired mentally and physically.
I doubt no matter how much i cut myself. It won't replace the pain in my heart.
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