TAGBOARD. 100% width will do for MAIN & FORM.
Then set MAIN height=80% and FORM height=20% ;)


*CBOXMAIN displays the messages, the CBOXFORM displays the...well, the form. Set your bg to transparent and fonts to white..just a tip.
prologue.
Life is what you make it out to be.
Whether you can or can't, your usually right :)
Play your best out there cause no one is going to remember this like you do.
 dream big.
keep smiling.
stay sweet.
inspire.
I realize that I only like to post when I'm sad or depressed. But when I'm happy I just keep it to myself.

I find blogging a place where I can conduct a thinking process so that I can be a happier person :)

Well I had a crush on a guy named Calvin at work. I guess I choose to think too much and think that he liked me.

He told me that he only thought of me as a sister. I feel so embarrass but I think this was a good point to learn in life.

Don over-think, not everyone takes all small action to heart, don fall in to the river so easily :)

My boss Ben was damn nice to me. He talked to me and also when I asked him, he tried to advice me against my action. If Ben wanna quit I will quit to! :) things at work is not really good for the full timers as they have an incompetent leader. I don blame them if they wanna leave.

I think the reason why I felt a Auden urge is because of the things that people around me is saying. Usually I will never tell the person I like that I like them first. Hahahaha! Wendy tell me that girls never say their feelings first. Oh well. I don believe in that. But I feel that I knew that this was going to happen so I was disappointed but i didn't cry so I wasn't that sad. :)

There were warning signs in my head that I was getting out of control. I should have listened to them.

I just felt that the feeling was so nice that I had the confidence and strength to want to throw away all the hope and wishes I have for hong Hwee.

I think I just make myself like him more so that I didn't have to harbor any more feelings to hong Hwee.

Also, when you good frens around you have boyfrens, you tend to feel lonely. Like my best fren is Wendy, then I want to hang with her, then she need to pei kian tee. So I will be like sian lo. :) but still! This is no reason to rush into anything :)

I don blame Yan, jowena and the rest for giving the ups sign. Because I now think if I were an outsider, and my fren has the balls to confess I would give her my support.

Yan said before what if this is karma for how I treat Kenny. And I think that the situation was so similar that it could be! :) but I believe that even if it was karma, god will bless me next time even more. Even if this was a lesson that I must learn, I will accept it with grace and move on!

Maybe I'm just not cut out for love.

It's kinda hard that I must change every action into just meaningless action. But I have to do it! I have ne'er done this before but I will try.

I guess when I like someone, that person will never like me back -.- for hong Hwee case was different, that one the feelings grew. This one is like a crazy crush.

I learn now that never to take anything seriously anymore. It's hard when it meant something to one buy nothing to another.

I don want to learn about this in life. If can I rather that princess and prince will always get together and live happily ever after. I still believe in happy endings! Maybe I may never get it but I still believe that it exist :)

Now I'm just afraid of awkwardness in the shop but I think everything will be fine with god with me :) I need to grow up. This is part of life and I need to take things easy.

When I was young, parents always scold that you never think before you do things. Now I keep over think Things that is nothing into something.

Wendy had it worst then me in sec school with jin kai. They had to be in the same class for 5 years. If she can do it! So can I :) I will live day by day :)

Oh and sometimes I think Yan way of attracting guys very complicated. I'm not cut out for that. She is quite scary in that sense but it's an art I need 100 years to master.

Also even if Calvin likes me back, it wouldn't be my own doing. It's mostly Yan help. So why would I want to achieve something like that when it's not my own doing? Such thing must be own effort like with hong Hwee :)

Oh well. Now about hong Hwee.
I cannot say that I totally forget about his existence. But I kinda hate him for his choice of action. I dread seeing him because I don want to start missing him again. Also I feel that if he wants to be like that, just don come back at all! :)

Seeing him yesterday for Jia Rong birthday. I can tell he knows I am treating him cold. I dunno how to treat someone who comes and goes like that in your life. Si Hao and Wendy so stand by that thought. He is dead to us already. We miss the old him but that him is dead. We just can't find the grave to bai.

I felt bad that I didn't give him anything for Korea, but... I really didn't buy anything for him. My birthday present he also never give me anything. So this is a small issue.

By the way he looks at me, or Everytime I look up he is looking at me, I can tell he misses me. This i don need to share with others but I ownself know can Liao. I miss him to, I gave him a small smile. We still have it, the silent signals we can send each other that he knows what I'm trying to say. But I don want to go back missing him. That would be too sad.

I need to have determination. And my heart cannot be weak. When I say this means this and the mind stop thinking.

My heart no longer beats painfully for him. Just when I think of the past I will feel Abit sad, but I won't Harbor too long there. What we could have been will never be.

He choose his way, although yesterday he looked so sad. :( but I guess what can I do?

So this is the end of another sad episode. :) happiness is waiting for me!!! I just know it! :)

I learn to forgive and forget. I'm gods child :)
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