Oh well. ahhahs! Life has been much better now.

School has been better as all of us are closer now. We are really like more clique as we do go out and have fun.

Richard and sin joo is abit sad case now.

Im not sure what happened. but i do believe in that feeling cannot be forced. if it comes it comes.

Im very happy with Pon now.

We're not together, im not even sure what we are. but to be honest it doesnt really matter what we are.

ITs just the feeling i have with him.

To be honest again, i really am not use to being in a relationship kinda feel. im scared of it.

I hate feeling like this. really. hiaz... i wanna to be perfect and ok for him.

I was being unfair when he promised that he won't leave but i cant promise the same.

After the last relationship, i have no promise to anyone that i can stay.

Or whether i will stay.

SOmehow i think running would be a better option for me. I tried to make hong hwee stayed and that failed.

Before him, i really didnt believe that anyone could like me that much anymore.

One thing that really attracted me was the sincerity of his words.

His care and he didnt want to trick me.

I dunno how over i am over the past. but im not going to keep from going to the future.

looking at the bears now, its hard to tell what im feeling.

Given a choice, i still would want to make up for the mistakes that i made.

But to be honest, if making up for the mistakes means that i wont meet Pon, i dont think its worth it.

Its like God wanted me to meet him. i dunno why, its like its all been planned and carried out. A lot of things is just, fated.

I don want to think too much on this line, but i trust in God ^^.

I wonder how is he now, although to be honest i really dont wish to see him or let him know what is happening to me.

i want to just do my own things.

i have told the guys and my closer friends about Pon, i don want to be like those friends that just tell after that they got together. i want them to know first. ^^ like cause they matter alot to me.

Sometimes i wonder why Pon liked me.

He doesnt know that he can get a lot of other girls, other girls that is not scared, not chor lor, whose heart and mind is more stable for him. I am not stable, not strong, i may not even stay to fight. Why would i make you happy?

why would you wanna try so hard for me?

before that i believe i was worth it to be honest, but after all i done in the past, i dont think i am.

But i thank God that i met you, that you made me feel so much better.

i may not be strong enough or have the will power to fight. but i wanna to make you feel better at least if i decided to leave. your happiness will be something i wish to hope help you achieve. something that is not because of me only, but because of yourself.