I have to get my life in shape. i have mixed up priorities that will not only harm myself, but my group mates who are very nice to me. :) Fontaine especially is my savior in poly. Without her, i might as well screw a lot of things up.

Im now together with jing xiang.

And honestly right. it was great. the starting was great.

He is a damn sweet guy that is very nice to me, and he made the asking of me to be his girlfriend, so romantic and high class. I had to wear a nice dress. Something that i never experience before. :) every time i spend with him, i will like him more and more.

Never knew what is love. still not sure about it. But as long as this thing last, why not?

I can safely say that im trying my best. more than in the past.

And also if i don't, all i can say is that we wont last.

This takes more effort than i thought it would.

I want to be there for him, but its hard cause i don't know what is the right thing to say. I may not be always free. Sometimes it just sucks the energy out of me that i am not sure that i can carry on. I never felt so helpless or lost.

He say he wants to control the relationship, instead of me, i guess he is already.

The mood of the relationship depends on him now. I am not going to add any conflict or mayhem to it. i just wanted a peaceful life.

I wanted peaceful life for a long time now. Honestly if things between me and him do not work out, then i really do not want to have a boyfriend for a long time.

I know that i will have the chance in the future, but i really do not want it now.

I get headaches almost constantly now. i just want to avoid the problems.

I don want to give up, but the headache im getting is hard to concentrate.

i have never been a fighter in this issues. never been someone who wants to stay too long when everything get too tough. In training in studies i can be strong, but in this i am not.

He was there when i needed him, i want to be there when he needs me, but i really dunno what to say. I am scared to say anything wrong that will make things even worst.

I have to admit, what Samuel said did effect me, it made me feel like what kind of a girlfriend am i. I only have a limit to my ability to care, i already said that before. And he is doing so much for me, i am afraid i cannot give back. and that if we one day break up, will he become even worst?

I don't want that on my hands.

Now i really just want to get away from all this problems.

I spend time sleeping so that i don't have to think about any of the problems.

Problems that could render everything to nothing.

Right now im having a headache.

At least i have rugby now that can relieve all my stress.

IVP is here! we have a match with SP!!! ^^

I cant wait to try my best. :)

I love him, but i don believe that, that is enough.

I wish this was my first relationship, the fighting spirit would have been much more stronger.